


i'm sick and tired of it (nobody knows)

by juricii



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Accepting Changes, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eye Horror (very minor!), Fluff and Angst, Forgiveness, Gen, Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Memory Loss, One Big Happy Family, Projecting onto characters, Regaining Memories, Secret Diary, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Self-Indulgent, Suicide, Temporary Amnesia, change of dynamics, enlightenment, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-17 05:22:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28719576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juricii/pseuds/juricii
Summary: Tommy wakes up not remembering anything, but everyone else remembers. Approached by humans he barely remembers, whom of which have a diary. Given the diary, he reads through it, not expecting to regain his memories. And really, he wants to be angry, but he can only feel relief as he sees that the fighting has seized for him. Tommy's child heart is revived, and the burdens of trauma lay heavy on him.The others feel unyielding guilt, and they do what they can to help. It's a good that Tommy still loves them.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Comments: 8
Kudos: 160





	i'm sick and tired of it (nobody knows)

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from [THANXX](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K7LY9Ta0eiY) by ATEEZ

**[TommyInnit drowned trying to swim in Lava]**

When everyone got the message, they didn’t process it at first. It seemed unreal.  _ Tommyinnit? Of all people? Impossible!  _ The boy had a heart of gold and an unwavering will to live and prove others wrong, especially Dream. The boy was  _ passionate  _ and  _ fiery  _ and a tad bit stubborn, and  _ maybe  _ a bit emotional at times, but depressed and suicidal?  _ They couldn’t comprehend it.  _

But it happened.

And the people realize, maybe it was partially their fault; they had played a part in the teen’s decision to end it all, whether it was large  _ or  _ small. They venture off to gather his items to bring back for a proper funeral.

The citizens of Dream SMP had their issues and problems and  _ wars,  _ but it rarely led to self-destruction--with the exception of Wilbur, but he was revived thanks to Eret and Phil, and he became more calm and collected, and  _ sane. _ They never really thought that it’d lead to  _ this. _

When Dream initially exiled Tommy, his intention was to allow Tommy to reflect on his actions and change for the better, but it doesn’t seem like that’d be happening anytime soon. _. The boy was dead.  _ Dream grieved with the others, but really, it felt like he didn’t have a right to. After all, he’s the main reason Tommy was left in his most likely intrusive, depressing, and suicidal thoughts.

_ He had no excuse, really… _

  
  


After the scavenging and travelling, the citizens sit around a campfire, thinking about their memories and the  _ diary  _ that they found and  _ read through.  _ Reading through that book was painful and entirely composed of things that made their heart break. They read things that they never thought they would ever have to. They learned new things about the boy, too.

They learned that Tommy actually thought Schlatt was redeemable.  _ (Glatt silently hovered over the book when he heard that. His heart might not exactly be functional, but the pains he felt in his chest felt very real.) _

They learned that Tommy wanted Sapnap to be his friend; a  _ brother. (Sapnap came to the realization that after an event like this, he has more love in his heart for the boy, than he initially thought. It’s a little too late to show him the love, though. Sapnap laments.) _

They learned that Tommy was still angry at Techno for shooting those damned fireworks, but he nonetheless still loved him.  _ (Techno did not say anything, but anyone who knew him, knew that his body language screamed pain and regret) _

They learned that despite Phil leaving him and Wilbur alone for the majority of their lives, Tommy still thought of him as an amazing father figure.  _ (Phil felt like he was hit by a thunderbolt) _

These ments eventually were cut off. Slowly they shifted to direct experiences and how he felt. Tommy’s comments slowly became rougher and messier and there were dry tear stains littering the crumpled pages of the old book. Positive memories written down were little-to-none. Most of it was Tommy’s anguish over losing the ones he loved and looked up to;  _ “Why would they do that?” is what was written after every example listed. _

Most importantly, they also learned that Tommy was drowning. He was drowning in his deprecating thoughts. That, they would not be quiet when he wanted them to. That, they told him things like that he was worthless and a waste of space. That, no one would miss him. And that,  _ they were getting louder each passing day.  _

  
  


_ “It’s okay. I’ll be at peace when I’m no longer alive.”  _ The last sentence in the Diary.

  
  


It was  _ not  _ okay.

Tommy’s death left a gaping hole in many people’s bodies, and they all felt guilty and regret stained their consciousness. The boy was too young to have to go through the things he did.  _ Wars?  _ Why did they think it was okay for him to be at the forefront?  _ Rebellions?  _ Why did they think it was okay trying to oppress a teen who wanted to express his opinion?  _ Exile?  _ Why did they think isolating a child for the sake of having him  _ “self-reflect”  _ was a good idea?

They didn’t  _ know  _ why.

However, hindsight is 20/20, after all.

Wilbur is wallowing in his grief, when he sees a clear and see-through form in the forest just next to the group’s mini camp ground. The worst part is,  _ he recognizes that exact figure. _

“ _ T-Tommy? _ ” He mutters quietly to himself, and then he repeats it once more, except more loudly. “ _ T-Tommy! _ ”

The ghost turns around--molten lava in place of his eye sockets--tilting his head, he floats over to the one calling out his name. “Yes?” He quietly responds when he arrives in front of the beanie-wearing man.

The others look aghast, a look of shock painting their faces.

Wilbur can't stop himself from crying, and he immediately pulls the boy in for a hug. Wilbur’s body doesn’t go through the spirit as he expected, but he’s not complaining. “ _ T-tommy. Fuck. I’m so sorry… _ ” He hiccups.

The boy doesn’t know what’s going on, but judging by the reaction that the man had to him, plus the way that the others around the fire are looking at him, he reckons they knew him when he was alive. He awkwardly pats the back of the man crying into his shoulders.

“ _ Um.  _ Do I know you all?” He meekly whispers to the crowd.

Chatter erupts and the boy flinches back a little, not used to the loud sounds coming from all these humans at once.

“Um. Maybe one at a time, please?” He requests, his right leg swinging back and forth as he looks down at the grass under him.

A man with messy blond hair wearing a porcelain white mask embroidered with a plain smiley face, approaches him. He holds out a worn-down book. “ _ I believe this is yours. _ ” He states.

The people behind him hiss at the man, questioning why he’d give the book to the ghost; the boy doesn’t know why. But he takes it anyways, and starts reading, despite the yells to stop. He doesn’t know why, but he feels drawn to it.  _ He feels like he  _ **_has_ ** _ to read it. _

He reads it and with each page he finishes, his eyes widen. He drops down onto his knees as his brain seems to go on overdrive as his body starts convulsing and his dull eyes turn back the bright blue they once were; the lava still sticks to himself. The memories come crashing down just like the tidal waves do with beaches.

Then. It stops.

The boy gets off his scraped knees, looks up at the multitude of people, pupils shaking. “I-I…” He sputters. “My name is… TommyInnit, and you are the people in this diary?” He asks.

The others nervously nod and make noises of confirmation. 

_ Thomas. _

_ Tom. _

_ Tommyinnit. _

That was who he was… His hands start shaking, and really, Tommy doesn’t know where it comes from, but his eyes start forming tears, and they come dripping down his scarred cheeks.

“I-I- _ I  _ don’t know  _ why  _ I feel the need to say this, but…  _ I forgive you. _ ” Tommy murmurs just loud enough for everyone to hear. His voice is unsteady, and he is still shaking from the memories that were suddenly embedded into his head.

The man who gave him the book walks up to him once again, and pulls him into another hug. “I’m sorry, Tommy. What I did was shitty, and I’ll do whatever I can to help you.”

Tommy just awkwardly nods as the others let out yelps of agreement.

  
  


He is not the same person that they previously knew him as; he never could be, truthfully. But, maybe that was okay, and possibly  _ necessary.  _ The memories he was embroidered with from the book, those were in the past. Maybe he could start anew with these people that he formerly knew, whether they were his enemies or friends or allies.

**Author's Note:**

> AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
> \---  
> ♡ Iɴsᴛᴀ: ᴄʜɪᴛᴛᴀʙʀʀ  
> ♡ ᴛᴡɪᴛᴛᴇʀ: ᴄʜɪᴛᴛᴀʙʀʀ  
> ♡ sᴄ: ᴊᴀɴᴇᴇᴢ.ᴊᴀʀᴇᴀᴜ  
> ♡ ᴋᴀᴋᴀᴏ: ʏᴇᴏʟsᴛʜᴇᴛɪᴄ  
> ♡ 𝚃𝚞𝚖𝚋𝚕𝚛: 𝚃𝚘𝚍𝚘𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚗𝚘  
> \---  
> Also, join [The Writer's Block ;)))](https://discord.com/invite/5hbkuAQNJB)  
> \---  
> Let me just point out. This is a VENT FIC. Which means that some of the things that happen in this story are reminiscent of things I have gone through, and how I felt during/after it, and the road to acceptance.
> 
> I don't usually get super in-depth on backstory for vent fics, but I figure I should at least once. A few years ago, someone I deeply cared for was caught up in an incident where they became the victim of a drunk driver's irresponsibility. They ended up in a coma, and when they woke up after a few months, they had a pretty severe form of amnesia. They didn't remember me or their family, and it fucking broke me. I knew this guy since, what--kindergarten? There went at least 7-ish years of a friendship, gone; to this day, their memories still haven't come back. 
> 
> It took me a while to accept it, honestly. He was someone that had always had my back, and it felt like a part of me died inside. Because of this whole event, we kind of drifted off. He told me that he was sorry, and said that we couldn't become as close as we were before his memory loss. (I told him about our friendship before the incident.) Then his family eventually moved a few months later, and although I have his number, I've never really texted him.
> 
> I've accepted the fact that our relationship has changed, and probably will never be the same, and this fic is kind of a representation of that (with an admittedly happier ending than my story)... 
> 
> Tommy might be alive as a ghost, but that doesn't mean his personality stayed the same, nor the state of his relationships with others. Tommy is purposely referred to as "he/his/him" instead of his name, in the beginning, to represent his loss of identity and wandering state.
> 
> ANYWAYS. With that being said (thanks for listening to my rambling!), I hope you enjoyed the story :)


End file.
